


what would you do, to save humanity

by gallifvrey



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Ending, Gen, Telepathy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-15 18:46:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16938681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gallifvrey/pseuds/gallifvrey
Summary: He let her decide, offering her the choice. And she knows what she is going to choose instinctually, rooted deep inside of her. To murder seven billion innocent people, just for the lives of two?When did she get the right to start making these decisions?(Because no one else would)[An alternate, darker ending to The Battle of Ranskoor Av Kolos]





	what would you do, to save humanity

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't stop thinking about what could have gone differently in this episode. This has some inspiration from "The Beast Below". What could have happened if the neural-blockers really didn't work, if there was no other choice. (Also I got tired of there being no Darker Doctor™ moments).

She doesn’t see another way that she can do this.

Delph and Adidio are sitting there, on the chair, hands grasping the iron bars, muscles shaking with the force of trying to stay still. Their eyes are golden, shining, pouring light out into the room.

The Doctor can feel the risks of what is happening boiling under her skin, one her species' hidden secrets to protect the universe. She can feel the risks as if another sense, the dangers of what could happen and what must not happen are flowing through her. It’s harder now, at times like this. When there is so, so much at stake.

They’ve captured five planets already, are working towards capturing another one and this time, this time it’s Earth and Tzim-Sha knew that would break her. Knew that’s the choice she never wants to make. The beautiful planet Earth or two innocent beings, ripped from their faith to do something so horrendous.

He let her decide, offering her the choice. And she knows what she is going to choose instinctually, rooted deep inside of her. To murder seven billion innocent people, just for the lives of two?

When did she get the right to start making these decisions?

(Because no one else would)

She knows, she’s always known and will always know exactly what she’s going to do. What she must do. From the moment that Tzim-Sha mentioned Earth and every time there is any risk, she knows, she knows what choice she’d pick.

Whatever the cost.

(This is not the first time, of course, it’s so inconvenient having this Achille's Heel - something that all of the evil of the universe can so easily pick on, bend her to their will. This is not the first time but it doesn’t make it easier.)

Her mind is racing through the different options, the choices that she can make. Being a brilliant Time Lord has it’s positives - she is able to map out in her mind the probabilities of different outcomes, the good or bad choices that she could make.

She considers the neural-blockers that her and Yaz have on their heads, but it’s too risky. The planet is quick to devour thoughts and memories and leave just a raw husk of a person. Even if she thought Yaz could survive, there is such a small chance that it could work. It’s so much harder to block thoughts than it is to block something from encroaching upon those thoughts. Earplugs stop you from hearing, but they don’t stop you from thinking.

The Doctor could try, if this was solely a game of numbers and nothing else. As of now, the small chance that the neural blocker might work has a greater chance of working than anything else - and she would sacrifice herself in a heartbeat. But of course, this is not a game of numbers. And she knows that she would never sacrifice Yaz.

(Sometimes she wonders if that makes her bad, if that’s a glaring flaw in the way that she acts. Or rather, she knows it is, accepts it. She never claimed to be perfect. )

_Your version of good is not absolute. It is vain, arrogant, sentimental._

She’s trying to come up with some other solution. There must be something, something other than the action her mind keeps coming to. Time is running out and there is no other solution, nothing that would let her sleep well at night (what a joke - when has she ever been able to sleep at night).

She resigns herself to the fact that there is only one way to stop this, to save Earth and bring the rest of the planets back and technically not kill anyone. It’s horrible, terrible, a wretched use of the abilities Time Lords have been granted. She knows this. She keeps telling herself that this is the only way.

The Doctor will once again save Earth, and then she will drop Yaz, Graham, Ryan back onto the planet and go somewhere else for a while until she can come to peace with what she’s done. What she was forced to do. What she chose to do.

This is not the fault of the Ux. They are beautiful beings, two at a time and living for millennium with such intense power. They are fundamentally peaceful beings, but their powers were, like they so often are, used for such evil. She feels for them - it rings a little too close to home, a peaceful species used for genocide.

She can solve this. She can do it by wiping their minds, clearing them so that they are instead transmitting nothing. This would stop the transmission of the rays that they’re using to capture Earth and save it. She could take the memories from Delph of where the planets were and bring them back herself. It's the plan with the least risk, greatest sacrifice.

Not killing, but is this so different? Telling Graham she doesn’t want him to kill the creature who killed his wife - whose caused all of this pain, and getting by on a technicality?

She doesn’t know how she would live with herself afterwards, but since when is this about her?

“Get out of here, Yaz” She hears herself say, hard and broking no argument. This is not something that Yaz needs to see her do. Yaz hesitates for a second, offers a token protest but the Doctor fixes her with a stone cold glare and thankfully, she runs out without another word.

The Doctor takes a step closer to the Ux. Looks at them once more, their beauty and reverence. How is she going to live with herself now. She feels for them, aches in her heart for how they’ve been abused.

She would never say this to Graham, has too much of a reputation to uphold, but she wishes that he would kill Tzim-Sha, She doesn’t know if it would be enough to make up for his crimes.

There is no other way to stop this.

Or this is, at least, what she keeps telling herself.

She takes another step, slowly, deliberately, as though she could single-handedly slow down time. But she is not, and every second she hesitates, Earth gets closer to being captured.

This is going to be hard - this is more power than she’s ever tried to use before. She doesn’t know how she’s going to accomplish this - her abilities are good but it’s been so long since she’s had to go muddling around in anyone’s mind. This time, she has to do one more than that, delve deep into both of them nearly instantly.

She takes off her neural-blocker, it shouldn’t make much of a difference but she will take any chance she’s got. And maybe, maybe if she’s lucky the planet will wipe out some of her memories while she’s at it. Maybe that’s how she can live with what she’s done.

She reaches the seats, stands in front of Adidio and places her hands on her temple.

“I’m sorry” she says, takes a deep breath, and the world goes dark.

**Author's Note:**

> Come chat with me on tumblr! gallifvrey.tumblr.com


End file.
